The Unanimous Declaration of the Thrifty Fifty States of America

JULY 4, 2017

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to unravel the expensive threads which have connected them with high prices and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of fashion and style entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all clothes are created equal, that they are endowed by their Tailor with certain unalienable rights, that among these are value, quality and the pursuit of thriftiness. — That to secure these rights, Swap.com is instituted among Women, Men, Kids, and Babies, deriving their just powers from the consent of the fashionable, — That whenever any form of retail becomes destructive to savings, it is the right of the thrifters to reuse and resell it, and to institute low, affordable prices, laying the foundation for major savings and a greener lifestyle, as to them shall seem most likely to enlarge their wallets and happiness. Swap on.

Signed,

John Handmedown     Thomas Dresserson      Longjohn Adams     Beensewin’ Franklin

Ann Taylor  Ralph Lauren   Liz Claiborne  GEORGE   J. Crew   Eddie Bauer   Charlotte Russe   Lulu Lemon

Tom Fell

Tom Fell is a copywriter for Swap.com. His name is a sentence and he likes wearing tropical shirts year-round.

One thought on “The Unanimous Declaration of the Thrifty Fifty States of America

  1. Love, love, love! I am a retired history teacher, and I wish I had asked my students to rewrite a personal Declaration of Independence. It would have made so much more of an impact on them. Are you sure you don’t want to include teacher in your future resume, Tammy? Keep thrifting, and keep being creative! Your site is SO much more interesting than others. It’s what keeps me coming back. 🐾📺🌃🦉🔪🍤🙋🏼

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